“Tell my heart to beat again”

08/03/2016

The Universe gives you what you need to see, hear, feel at the right times. This morning as I’m driving to work a familiar song came on the radio (I’ve posted it for you to enjoy), I’ve heard it before, but you know, you learn the chorus parts first right…I really had not paid attention to the lyrics, that is, until today and boy did they really talk to me.  God has a tendency of sending me my messages a lot of the times through music and this was no exception.  A little background so you can see why this song hit home today.

I have been divorced for 14 years now, I have been able to pick up most of the shattered pieces that part of my life left me in, then after so much pain, so many tears, someone else came into my life after my divorce, this person made me feel alive again, gave me hope, helped me restore my heart. He was one of those people that come into your life for a reason and for only a season. After years of hoping that our lives would cross again, I finally had to let go of him too.  I am grateful for the time spent together, grateful to have known what it felt to feel loved, he showed me what I do want for my heart. Yes, the day he left, I felt my heart-break in a million pieces, he didn’t do anything wrong, but, deep inside my soul, I knew that I would never be with him again. At first, his job took him from me and then distance took a toll on our relationship, at the end of the day, we just weren’t meant to be.  We remained friends for a long time after “US” had ended.  Wandered through life after that, searching for “someone” to fill the void that my heart felt. I didn’t realize that I couldn’t continue to put my happiness on someone else; I had to look inside myself and learn how to make CECY happy. It has taken years for me to get to where I am now and I am still a work in progress, I still have to mend the most important piece, loving myself, just as I am, without judging what reflects back to me in the mirror.  This has been the toughest journey for me.

As my Camino gets closer and closer, my mind is racing 1000 miles an hour, wondering what I will feel when I step on that plane. Knowing that the bus with wings will take me across the sea, thousands of miles away from everything I know.  The day is coming when some dreams become a reality.  I am sure tears will be flowing, I am sure I will be having a mixture of emotions because I am actually getting on board by myself. I am leaving the comfort of home, family and friends.  My mind is chaos…

  • What is my intention?
  • Will I find clarity?
  • Will I FEEL anything?
  • Will I find peace?
  • Will I find myself?
  • Will I finally find the real Cecy?
  • What I really am all about?
  • Will I leave my past there?
  • Will my heart finally be WHOLE again?
  • So many questions in my head swirling and I just feel I am going in circles.
  • When people ask me who I really am, to be honest, I don’t really know.
  • What’s my passion? I am not sure, when I think about it, several things come to mind

And then I hear this song, “Tell your heart to beat again”, talking about being “shattered in a 1000 pieces”, feeling like I am never going to go back to who I used to be, to that free-spirited girl who would dance to forget any hurt, any pain, to the Cecy that felt her heart beating in her chest with every dance step., a girl that grew up in the shadows and still knew how to smile. This song, telling me that “yesterdays a closing door” speaking truth that “I don’t live there anymore”.

So today, I will breathe in these words and as I get off that plane in Porto, Portugal, I will close my eyes and BREATHE deeply, I will go rest and when I awake the next day and walk out into a new day,  I will take my first step thinking about the new journey that will begin at that moment.  I will leave the darkness and feel God’s grace in my soul.  I shall acknowledge that “my story is far from over.”  The journey of the second half of my life will begin there.  That my life is not over, it’s just falling into place. That I am where I’m supposed to be and I will take a deep breath and “TELL MY HEART TO BEAT AGAIN”

I know this was long, but it’s what my heart told me to get out of my chest into paper. Tell me about your day, what sign/message did you see or hear? Please share!!! Hope you enjoy the song.

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