Day 2 O’Porrino – Redondela

It was so hard for me to get up in the morning, my feet hurt, my legs hurt, my hands hurt, I think it would be safe and faster to say…I hurt from head to toe!!!

I finally got up, very, very slowly.  I went to the RR and there were a few people up already, I didn’t want to walk out by myself, it was still kinda dark, so I sat in my room waiting to hear people leaving.  I walked out of the room again and tried talking to a couple that I saw in the hall way, they didn’t speak English and they brushed me off with their arms.  So I went back to my room and arranged my pack, when it came time to put my shoes on, uhmmm yeah…it hurt!!! I had to suck it up, so took my butt downstairs and to my joy there were a lot more people about to walk out, so I asked a couple of girls if they wouldn’t mind if I walked with them, they kindly said, no problem.  We walked out to a crisp, chilly morning, as we walked along the sidewalk, we began to see so many people coming out of the Municipal Albergue across the street.  It was weird to see all these people heading the same direction.  All with their walking poles and their backpacks weighing on their backs, most of them in 2’s or in a group.  The girls I walked out with didn’t stick around long, they walked so fast I couldn’t keep up, so I was by myself quickly.

After a couple of hours of walking, I was hungry and needed coffee but the café’s were all closed, so just took some sips of water hoping it would calm my hunger.  So there I went, walking in pain and no food or coffee for energy.  I kept thinking I needed to figure out what to do in the mornings, I couldn’t do this every morning without at coffee, my body was going to need fuel.

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The sunrise views and the mountains would make up for not having coffee ha, at least for a little while.  Check out the views!!

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As I continued to walk UPHILL, not only my feet were in terrible pain but I took one step at a certain point and my knee just buckled.  I was like, really what the heck, am I this screwed up that now my knee is giving me hell?

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I made it to MOS and as I sat there with my knee just all whack and of course my toes were just pulsing in pain by now, I looked to see the distance I still had to walk and my mind had already given up, so again, failure, I called a taxi and as he drove me to Redondela, he pointed out the uphill battle I would’ve had to face and sad to accept but there was no way I would’ve made it, I began to think that it probably wasn’t a good idea to go at it myself, there was no one to distract me from my brain telling me to quit.  He took me to a pension (I will update the name later), which unfortunately was not open yet so I had to look around to see where I could sit for a couple of hours.

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I came up to a café and ordered a café con leche, they gave me a piece of cake and I ordered a croissant as well.  I was there for quite a while.

After a while a gentleman that entered the café walked by me and started to talk to me.  He asked me where I was originally from since I spoke fluent Spanish, as soon as he heard Mexico, he just started reminiscing about Mexican history, he told me several times how much he loved Mexico and it’s people.  He was a local and I felt blessed to be able to communicate well with the locals.  He was very sweet and we talked for quite a while.  He finally said good-bye and I went back to the pension.  I sat outside a little longer and finally was able to check in and go drop my backpack, rest for a while and take a shower.

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Soon, other pilgrims began trickling in, I was in a room with 4 bunkbeds so I ended up bunking with 2 other ladies and a gentleman, which was weird haha, but he was a nice man, poor thing he opened the balcony doors and banged his head really bad, it cut his forehead so as good Samaritans one of the lady’s quickly took out the first aid kid.  A couple of us took a nap and I would finally go out in a group to have something to eat.  It’s funny we ended up at the place I had just had coffee, the company felt good but just weird, of course we all talked about our journey so far and when it came my turn I couldn’t hold back my tears as I was honest and told them I had to take a taxi, I felt so ashamed but if I lied I would only be lying to myself right?  They were very supportive, so I truly appreciated that.  They made me feel a little better and then we just sat there for what seemed for a long time.  They were drinking beer, one of them smoked like a chimney but she was fun to listen too.  One was from Germany, one from Scotland, one From Finland.  After them having a couple of beers, the gentleman that was our roommate came over and we decided to go look for a place to have dinner.  On our way to a restaurant we walked by a pharmacy and they patiently waited for me to go and get some stuff for my toes.

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We finally came to what looked like a plaza and decided to sit outdoors, it was across from the park so there were people coming and going.  So what did I get, MILANEZA haha, it was the safest plate, being picky sucks, but it was good. I enjoyed the company and we all walked back to the pension to get some rest. I was so tired that now I realize that I missed out on seeing so much, but I couldn’t even fathom walking to go see anything if I had to get up in the morning to walk some more.

My Camino was not turning out like I planned, I know it was only my 2nd day of walking, but I was already feeling the loneliness, the walk by myself wasn’t too bad, maybe if I was with someone it would have been easier to keep going, I saw people walking and talking, so talking with someone could have been a distraction from the pain and the tiredness.  The hardest part was getting to a town and just being there, alone, my mind was winning, and my ego was just beating me up inside.  I had already called a taxi twice, I looked at my toes and had no clue what the heck was going on with them, they looked purple and swollen and HURT like hell.  Of course, the questions bombarded my head, what the heck were you thinking, how did you possibly think you could do this?  My brain was screaming loud, YOU ARE A FAILURE, YOU KNOW YOU NEVER FINISH ANYTHING.  Everyone back home is going to laugh at you and throw in your face the, “I TOLD YOU SO”.  How was I going to ever live this one down?  The hills are kicking your butt, face it, just go home, you don’t belong here!!

It didn’t help that I was eating only like once a day, that is not enough fuel to keep the pace up.  My body ached so bad, I felt so tired, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but never imagined it would be this hard, I know for others this is nothing but a walk in the park, but for me it was the hardest thing I had ever done.  But, tomorrow was another day and I would try again!

Thank you to all that are following this crazy adventure…lots more to come!!

Cecy

Will questions be answered?

 

I posted these questions back in August 2016, before I left on my Camino.  I read them and I thought that they would never be answered.  Follow me to find out the answers because 7 months after returning, YES, I finally have the answers!!!

  • What is my intention for this trip?
    • My intention was to face my personal giants which the biggest ones were FEAR and doing things ALONE among others, which I will describe in more detail as I update my blog.
  • Will I find clarity?
  • Will I FEEL anything?
    • Would I feel anything, so far, my feelings are those of inadequacies, failure, loneliness, so out of shape. Any and all negative feelings you can think of.
    • I also felt overwhelmed by the beauty in front of me as I walked. These were bittersweet moments because I forgot to enjoy more of these feelings.
    • More of what I felt to come! Stay tuned!
  • Will I find peace?
  • Will I find myself?
  • Will I finally find the real Cecy?
  • What I really am all about?
  • Will I leave my past there?
  • Will my heart finally be WHOLE again?
  • So many questions in my head swirling and I just feel I am going in circles.
  • When people ask me who I really am, to be honest, I don’t really know.
  • What’s my passion? I am not sure, when I think about it, several things come to mind

Continued…

Taxi picked me up and took me into O’Porrino, he tried, bless his heart, to calm me down by telling me it was all going to be okay.  He took me to my first “pension” it was a private one, he helped me with my backpack, I paid him and he took off.  At the Pension I encountered more compassion, I was still crying, just felt horrible and such a failure.  She told me that she would give me a room all to myself so that I could just relax and not worry about anyone seeing me so emotional.  The room had 6 beds and no one else came into that room.  She was getting ready to leave for the night so she gave me a simple map of where to go have some dinner after washing up.  I went into the room and just sat there, crying and wrote some words on my journal.  My toes were hurting so bad, I didn’t know why, so I took off my shoes and my socks and looked at my toes…uhmm they did not look NORMAL, my toenails were swollen around the cuticle area, wasn’t sure what was going on, I figured I was just tired of all that walking.  I hit the showers, which were like the showers at the gym, all you had to do was push the nob to get the water going…uhmmm yeah, the water was HOT and there was no turning left or right to make it just warm.  I kept pushing it and it was just super hot, I went to the other showers and they were all the same, hot water.  That’s the quickest shower I’ve ever taken with HOT WATER.  After I was done and out of the showers I noticed the sign (please let the water run a few times to get warm water, water will be HOT) Yupp, a little too late haha!!  Got dressed and I put my flip flops on and I decided to go venture out, I was hungry.  I came up to what looked like a plaza, people everywhere, kids just having fun.  I went up to a place and found a table to sit down…I wasn’t sure what to order and I came across (MILANEZA) well at least it was a safe plate, hehe, I got my milaneza with French fries and I sat there and ate, yes, alone.

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I looked around and the thing that caught my attention was that everyone around me was looking UP!  People were actually TALKING to each other, laughing, connecting, made me miss my youth, the time when we didn’t have any cell phones, when you actually made eye contact with people, the time when you didn’t come home until right before dark because you were so busy playing or hanging out outside with no interference by technology.

I paid for my meal and left a tip, the waitress ran after me because I left her TOO much. Go figure, too much tip, that’s a first for me.  I smiled and said no, it’s okay, have an amazing evening.  She looked at me like I was crazy, it took me a couple of times of pushing her hand away with the bill to convince her it was ok.

I went back to the Pension, went up to my room and decided to wash my clothes and hang them outside, it was a cool night so I doubted that they would be completely dry by the morning.  I sat in the small dinning area they had and wrote a few lines in my journal. There were a few people around and I tried to talk to a couple of them but they would pretty much say hi and turn away.  I am normally not that hard to start-up a conversation so I wasn’t sure what was happening.  Was I trying too hard? Did I look intimidating, like my son always tells me?  I doubted it, because I felt  so lost that the last thing I would do is intimidate someone.  I stayed there for a while and I finally just decided to go to bed.  My toes were killing me, but again, I just thought I was tired and thought that they would feel better in the morning.  Boy was I wrong!!!

I will spare you from seeing my poor toes!!! haha

Day 2 coming up next!!

TUI -O’PORRINO

Continued…

After walking through the town I was finally able to see more of the amazing views I would be enjoying on this trip, blue skies and grapes everywhere.

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During my research some people said you didn’t need much training, others would say…train, train train!!! Well on my first day I would learn that I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE TRAINING ha ha…

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As I entered the dirt roads and what seemed like endless trees, I was feeling really good, taking pictures and still in shock that I was actually there, walking like so many others have done before me.  I didn’t feel weird on my own, I didn’t feel unsafe.  I noticed so many white little butterflies all around me, I felt they were my company along the way. At times it seemed like I was in a fairy tale forest with the trees covered in moss, I felt like all of a sudden I would see fairies flying by.  All was good until I came to my first part of walking UP, oh boy, as soon as my heart rate raced up, the first things out of my mouth were, “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?” “WHAT WAS I THINKING?”  Yeah, it was a little too late to turn back now right! But I remembered what others said too, it’s YOUR CAMINO, YOUR PACE! So guess what I did, I stopped, caught my breath and kept going.

Remember, I had NEVER done anything like this, did I mention NEVER!!!!

After walking for a few hours, I couldn’t and didn’t have the desire to even take pictures.  I was questioning everything, why in the world would I even think that I could do this.  I know I wrote the WHY but, all I could think at that moment was, I just couldn’t do it, I wanted to quit and it had only just begun.

I finally came up to a café, it was around noon. I saw some pilgrims sitting outside and I smiled as I walked by and went in to order something.  I had no idea what to get, I just felt so lost.  So, I ordered a coke and a ham and cheese sub.  When I got it I just stared at it for a little while, that thing was HUGE, I was like, I can’t finish this!  I tried to go sit outside to see if I would strike a conversation with any of  the groups outside, as I stood there looking for a seat I just saw everyone in their own world, laughing and talking amongst them, no  one even looked up.  I went back inside and sat by myself. I took a bite of my sub, it was really good and I was so hungry, the coke tasted different, but I drank it anyway! Lol

I felt the locals were just staring at me, not in a bad way, just like feeling sorry for me because I was alone.  After walking those few hours, I still felt clumsy with the poles and my pack.  I walked to the bathroom crashing into everything, I splashed some water on my face to freshen up before I continued on. I walked outside to get going and saw that almost everyone that had been sitting outside was gone.   So I followed the ones that were just passing through, boy was I in trouble again, the next part was going UP!!! Yupp, here we go again. I was stopping almost every 5 minutes, it was crazy. I finally began walking in a straight line again but after walking since 8 in the morning and seeing that it was already like 4pm, I looked at my phone to see how much longer I had to walk to get to O’Porrino. When I saw that it said like another hour, I was like “oh, hell no.” I found a huge rock by the road and I sat down, with pack and all.  At that moment I felt so alone, and I was done, my body could not move, I mean literally. I felt the heaviness of my pack, I felt my legs were glued to the ground and tears starting flowing.  Who to call, who to reach out to at that moment. That’s when I posted a message on the Camigas page, asking for help, like the Camigas would be able to just fly over and pick me up.  What were they gonna do?  I had no idea that even though they would not be able to pick me up, the support and encouraging words that I received with that post was just AMAZING and some would now be checking in on me throughout my journey.

I couldn’t post any of this on my page because all I could think of was family commenting, “I TOLD YOU, YOU COULDN’T DO IT,” which would just add to that small voice in my head screaming at me “see, you are a quitter” “how embarrassing that it’s only your first day and you are already calling a taxi.” My body and my feet hurt, but my heart hurt even more because I felt like a total failure.  Most of us say that we are our worst enemy, well that includes me for sure, I AM MY WORST CRITIC AS WELL. My head was screaming to get my ass up and keep going, my body shut down completely and told me, YOU AIN’T GOING ANYWHERE!!

I needed a taxi, so I searched and just called, I didn’t care about roaming, about what my bill would look like, I just could not take ONE MORE STEP.  I heard a voice on the other end, and of course what was the first thing he asked me, “WHERE ARE YOU?”  I lost it, I started bawling!!  I had NO IDEA where I was, how was he supposed to come get me if I couldn’t even tell him where I was.  He asked if there were any signs, any houses around. I said, well yeah, there are houses, sitting right outside one. The next words out of his mouth would be like telling me to go steal something! He said, “well, go knock on the door”,  he had no idea what and who he had just asked to go do that! YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT AGAIN!!!  MEEE, GO KNOCK ON SOMEONE’S DOOR, ARE YOU NUTS?

You see, I can ask for help for ANYONE and EVERYONE EXCEPT for myself.  Facing my giants had begun, the first lesson of my Camino had just presented itself.

The Camino Provides!!

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I had no choice, how else was I going to get this taxi driver to come get me.  So I drop my pack and walk over to the gate, here it goes. I rang the doorbell, it didn’t take long for a lady to open and all I could say was, “can you please tell the taxi driver where I am”, of course my voice is cracking, tears are just rolling down my face.  Her facial expression changed instantly to one of worry, she told me “oh my, no, no, don’t cry, you’re ok” she got on the phone and told the driver where I was.  She asked if I was alone and I turned to look at my pack and I said yes, she walked over and picked up my pack and my poles and invited me into her front yard.  At a patio table, there was another older lady sitting there and offered me the other chair, the one that opened the door asked me if I wanted some grapes, and I said yes, I would love some, so she went and brought me a handful of grapes and even some fresh pears.  As I sat there waiting I thought, well I think I just encountered my first Camino Angels.  Both of them were so sweet to me, they asked me questions and told me I was brave for even attempting this by myself, they didn’t realize that I was so ready to quit and it was just my first day!  The Angels opened their doors to a total stranger, the tenderness I felt was indescribable, they were really concerned about the shape I was in.  The taxi didn’t take very long and he too was worried, I wondered what would happen in our world, at home, would we open our doors to a stranger?  Would we offer the same kindness and tenderness and comfort to someone we don’t know? What do you think?

Thanks for reading…of course stay tuned!

Cecy